How Our Mind Plays Tricks On Us (Or, Don’t Believe Everything You Think)

In my first post about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, I gave a basic overview of what CBT is. This post will build on that, offering a clearer understanding of how our brains often fill in the gaps when we don’t know the whole story—sometimes by relying on “cognitive distortions” or “thinking errors.

Common Cognitive Distortions (and Why We All Fall for Them)

Cognitive distortions are like funhouse mirrors for our thoughts—they warp the way we see a situation, often making us feel worse. Just like a funhouse mirror can make things look taller, shorter, or wider than they really are, cognitive distortions take a situation and twist it into something that might seem familiar, but is far from the truth.  We all experience distorted thinking at times, and especially when we’re stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. This is a brief list of some of the most common distortions that come up in therapy:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking

Life can be full of nuance, but our brains don’t always catch that. In an all-or-nothing cognitive distortion, you might tell yourself, “If I don’t get an A on this test, I’m a failure” or, “Since I missed going to the gym today, my whole routine is ruined and I may as well stop going” or, “I didn’t get invited to that party, so I must have no friends.” When we fall into this trap, we forget that things are rarely as clear-cut as they seem at the moment and can feel utterly discouraged.

2. Catastrophizing

This is that “worst-case scenario” thinking: “I didn’t get that promotion, so my career isn’t going anywhere,” or “They didn’t answer their phone—what if something happened to them?” or “The doctor ordered some tests—this must be really serious!”  This kind of thinking can snowball quickly, triggering panic and making it harder to think clearly or make informed decisions

3. Mental Filter

Mental filtering means focusing on only part of the message or only some of the information, often to confirm a pre-existing bias. It can look one of two ways:

• Discounting the positive: Ignoring or denying the truth of positive feedback or experiences, which can sound like, “They’re just being polite, it didn't mean anything” or “They probably say that to everyone” or “Anyone could have done just as well at this.”

• Overfocusing on the negative: Giving too much weight to the things that feel bad, which may present as dwelling on the one critical comment in an otherwise positive performance review, or ruminating about the one bad play in a winning game.

Both of these types of mental filters can create stress, damage your sense of self-worth, and trick you into giving up on something that has a strong potential for success.

4. Should Statements

This is a word I hear all the time in therapy sessions, often sounding like: “I shouldn’t feel this way,” “I should always be successful,” “I can’t make mistakes,” “I should always be happy,” or “I should be more productive/organized/fit/forgiving…”

“Should” statements tend to be rigid, absolute rules we impose on ourselves—often unrealistic and harsh. These thoughts usually reflect negative judgments, and they can turn us into our own worst critic. Over time, this kind of thinking can lead to feelings of discouragement, inferiority, or even shame, increasing anxiety and emotional distress.

5. Mind Reading

Mind reading is the belief that we know what others are thinking, often without any real evidence. We assume they’re thinking negatively about us, and we act on that assumption as if it were fact. You might catch yourself thinking things like: “No point in asking them out—they’ll just say no,” or “My teacher doesn’t like me, so I won’t bother asking for an extension,” or “If I go to that restaurant by myself, everyone will think I’m a loser.”

Often, these thoughts reflect our own insecurities. When we assume others see us the way we fear being seen, it reinforces negative beliefs about ourselves and can lead to shame, avoidance, or missed opportunities.

The important thing to remember about cognitive distortions is that they’re just thoughts, not facts. They may feel quite true, and maybe there is even some truth to them, but they’re not helpful ways to interpret or navigate these situations. In the next post in this CBT series, we’ll answer the next logical question: Now that I know what they ARE, how do I deal with them?

And if dealing with distress related to cognitive distortions is something you struggle with, there’s definitely help! Reach out for a 15 minute consultation to see if working together could be a good fit for you.

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